by, 02-21-2009 at 08:41 PM (682 Views)
So it's probably really weird that I'm posting about this but I know some people read my blogs and always leave nice comments so I thought I would.
Last night I got a nasty message from someone who I thought was a friend, she was also an RA at my now Alma Mater Landmark College. She told me not to step foot on the campus, that nobody wants me there, etc. It made me so angry. You know what I realized that she was never my friend. She never cared about me at all.
I realized thanks to that message who I can't and can trust. I guess this is just a warning to anybody who is trusting like me to be careful because you'll never know when they might turn on you.
*So I thought I would post about my struggles with trust, there was an incident yesterday evening that made me realize just how trusting I am of people, it doesn't matter who it is, it can either be an adult or a peer. There was an authority figure in my life that I thought I could trust, I would always go to this person to talk about the difficult situations, this person would always offer good advice and look out for me to make sure I was ok, but she turned on me and broke that trust.
I don't know how I can be so trusting of people, I think it's a part of my Non Verbal learning disorder and also my Asperger's. I've never been diagnosed with it but I know in my heart I have it. I trust too easily with some people. I wish I had a machine where I could see if they were trust-worthy or not but unfortunately I don't. People told me too not to trust the person who hurt me, that I should go to a trusted adult, someone I can count on ya know. But this person was an authority too, at least I thought so. I wish it was easier for me to pinpoint the ones who are the bad eggs so to speak, it's not that simple though.
I have learned some positive things though. That I have some kick-ass friends and family, they're the one I can trust. I know they'll always be there for me no matter what. I have met so many wonderful people these last couple years, I am so grateful for every single one of them. I know some of my friends will probably read this and I'm sure they know who they are. I am so lucky to have all of you in my life. Thanks for your guidance and support. I know I can trust all of you and I know that you'll always be there for me.
I think what happened was almost a blessing in disguise, yes it hurt me but at the end of the day now I know who I can't trust, that I should be more aware of the people around me. I shouldn't be afraid to ask questions of them like can I trust you? Will you keep what I tell you private? Nobody should be afraid to ask those questions. If the person you ask gets snippy with you maybe you should find another person to talk to. It's ok to be cautious and no matter what you should always know that you don't have to seek guidance from one person, you can go to several people. That's what I do.
I feel like I'm lucky that way. I have a large support team, it's massive. Most people my age don't have that. I don't know where or what I would be today if not for my support team. That goes for everybody that I've met over the last 12 years or so. I so appreciate that I can keep in touch and ask advice, seek strength to reach out, etc.. Really it makes me feel like the luckiest kid in the world.