Allison J. Waldman

Okay, time out. Sex is not romance when you do it on the floor of Company, Guiding Light writers! Coop and Beth doing the horizontal mambo where people eat their Buzz burgers is not only inappropriate, it's gross. What are they thinking? Passion is fine, but when you show me writhing naked bodies on formica countertops, I'm more likely to tune out than get turned on.

GL isn't the only show guilty of the let's get sexy ploy. On The Bold & the Beautiful, Ridge and Brooke are well-known for their romantic interludes. There was a time when Brooke had a bed in her office. Really -- a whole bed. It was part of the Brooke's Bedroom campaign so it sort of made sense. And yes, our Logan used the bed many times over. These days, Ridge and Brooke don't bother with a bed or a couch or even an office chair.

Last week Brooke relieved Ridge's stress level by boffing with him on the office floor. Excuse me, but YEECH! This is like George Costanza schtupping the cleaning lady in his cubicle on Seinfeld. At least in that case, George was fired. Ridge and Brooke are immune to even being embarrassed by their actions.

I guess soap writers are trying to be bold and audacious, you know, like they're pushing the envelope. Unfortunately, these incidents are sex for sex sake and not particularly romantic. You want romance? Instead of falling to her knees, Brooke should have taken Ridge by the hand, checked into the Beverly Hills Hilton for the afternoon and ordered strawberries and champagne. Keep it private and classy. Same thing with Donna and the honey for her Honey Bear.

My goodness, Forrester is so worried about office security with the theft of the latest fashion line, maybe they should write some ethical guidelines and include keeping sexual intercourse out of the workplace.

What do you think, soap fans?