Halloween In Salem: Part 1
by, 10-23-2009 at 02:24 PM (2127 Views)
Last Halloween the residents of Salem were busy with twisted mysteries and hectic love lives and didn’t have time to pick out costumes for themselves. So, they asked Laurisa and me to help. What an honor, right!?
Well, I guess we did something right because they wanted our help again this year! That and they’re still tied up with twisted mysteries and hectic loves lives. Nevertheless, Laurisa and I are glad to pitch in, and to determine which Salemites should be treated and which ones should be tricked.
Before we begin the Halloween in Salem costume parade, we encourage everyone to grab a plastic pumpkin full of candy to enjoy while watching. Just remember not to eat any of the candy apples…Kate made them, and it’s better to be safe than sorry, after all. Also remember to check out Parts Two, Three and Four! Enjoy, and Happy Halloween!
Vivian Alamain as Amanda Woodward (“Melrose Place”)…because you just don’t mess with this bitch. Period. Plus, Vivian probably still has some blazers and miniskirts in her closet from the last time she was in Salem, which is coincidentally, about the same time Amanda was wreaking havoc in West Hollywood.
Lawrence Alamain as Mickey Horton…since he’s had more scenes that the actual alive Mickey who is supposedly still on the show.
Dr. Carly Manning as Velma Kelly (“Chicago”)…because Velma killed her husband, but he had it comin’. And, because Crystal has done nothing but razzle dazzle us since she came back to Salem.
Bo Brady as Clark W. Griswold (National Lampoon “Vacation” movies)… because, damn it, all he wants is a happy freakin’ family and NO ONE is cooperating! Yes, there is awesome Christmas sweater/turtleneck combo in Bo’s future.
Hope Brady as Regan MacNeil (The little girl played by Linda Blair in “The Exorcist”) because Hope just HAS to be possessed to be acting the way she has been lately, right?
Justin Kiriakis as Chuck Woolery (host of “The Love Connection”)…because the guy’s done nothing but have to sit uncomfortably in the middle of squabbling couples since he’s been back in Salem, so why not let him pay homage to the original fixer-upper?
Victor Kiriakis as Eric Cartman (“South Park”)…because this lovable grouch is a serious potty mouth with a pension for disrespecting woman and has no internal filter what-so-ever, yet we find him timelessly entertaining.
Chloe Lane as Moses...This year Chloe found God, whether He wanted her to or not. And now they’re besties. Like Moses, she’s always talking to Him these days. Although, it seems like she’s having a little problem understanding that commandment about not committing adultery. Whoops! We won’t even get into the burning bush thingy.
Dr. Daniel Jonas as Kanye West…He’s a talent man, but a complete a-hole who never thinks he does anything wrong. Both dudes should stick to his respective professional skill and stop making comments about 1) other people’s actions 2) other people’s beliefs and 3) pretty much any topic at all.
Also, make sure to check out this week’s Two Scoop’s Column!